Learning the art of disappointed hopes

I sit in a chair outside the room, sadly missing the internet connection that a few minutes ago had connected me just long enough to hear a good friend’s voice, and then dropped. A few weeks ago I would have been very frustrated, pacing around trying to find something to do to not feel so helplessly thwarted during one of the few times that that I and the people I am trying to reach are both available. But that was a few weeks ago, and during that time I have come to expect a dropped connection, or no internet at all, and not to get my hopes up too high. So now I sit in my plastic chair, looking around at the wet campus that still drips from the rain the night before, and take the time to talk to God. And I wonder if there are always this many ants scurrying around on the concrete, or if I just never took the time to notice them before.

Campus Creatures

For a week I wondered what was sneaking into the classroom, knocking over the trashcan, and rummaging around for little delicacies left there by students on days when the trash was not full enough to empty. I could not find any holes for a rat to come in through, and nothing else had been chewed on. Finally my question was answered as I sat in my room one evening after school grading papers. A quick scrambling was heard, followed by the emergence of a black cat pushing through a square hole large enough to fit a fist through in the wire mesh over the window. He jumped down to the floor, his eyes scanning the room. I recognized his skinny frame. I had seen him around the buildings on campus, scaling walls that looked as if no animal could climb them. I had seen him take magnificent leaps to ledges high above him, then pull himself over the top after having barely caught the edge. A noise from me was enough to send him back through his entrance, and some string crisscrossed across the hole enough to keep him from entering again. I felt a little guilty as I covered the hole. He was just looking for a way to survive in this world where cats have never known flea and tick drops, catnip toys, and bowls of Friskies.

I did not realize for the first week how close the school is to the water as the trees and vegetation are tall and thick enough to cover the view from the ground. It was not until going to the walkway on the top of the high school building that I saw the beautiful view over the trees to the water, and was surprised at how close we were. It was easy to forget when surrounded by trees, and next to a large hill. However I was reminded again a few days later during staff worship of how really close we were. As we sat around the table in the library, one of the student missionaries suddenly jumped from his seat. “What is that?! Is that a crab? I thought maybe it was just that I hadn’t cleaned my glasses for a while. But he’s been sitting there staring at me!” At this point everyone was laughing, me both at his reaction, and at the hilarity of a crab chilling in the library. He was ushered out as the principal commented calmly on the fact that crabs making their way over to campus was not an unusual occurrence.

Campus is home to many new lives as one the dog has had puppies. I believe she is the principal’s dog, but is really more the dog of one of the other teachers here who always makes sure she has something to eat, and spends time with her. The puppies have been adopted by some of the other teachers, and soon enough I’m sure we will have little brown and white bodies following us around campus, looking for someone to play with. For the moment they stay tucked away under one of the buildings, although they receive frequent visits from their new “parents.”

Hannah and Chuuk celebrate their one month anniversary

Tomorrow afternoon I will have been in Chuuk for one month, and as is true for so many things, the time has both flown and drug it's feet all at the same time. My class is beginning to settle into a routine, which is a blessing, and things run more smoothly now. I still sometimes feel like pulling my hair out, but then I think of how unattractive I would look bald. It seems no matter how frustrating the school day may be, there is always some period that goes well to lift my day up. All my students are beginning wrap themselves around my heart. Each day has been a lesson in patience as I continually ask God to calm me as I answer the same question for the 10th time.

Quite literally.

Sometimes I laugh at the things which are becoming normal to me. Shouting because the rain is doing its best to drown out my voice, planning for a 25 minute drive the couple of miles to town on the terrible roads, or planning my laundry time for when the generator power is running to save on electricity bills. However I'm not sure that sucking in a breath of steely resolve before stepping into the cold shower in the morning will ever become normal.

Treacherous Tag

Scene: Saturday night at the Chuuk SDA School Campus. Security lights working sporadically. Construction equipment and piles of rocks and sand resting in piles. Rain pouring in sheets.
Players: 6-8 teachers
It was perhaps not the safest choice. Dashing through puddles of water, darting across wet cement walkways, and scrambling across piles of rock and sand, and squishing through patches of mud with feet shod in flip flops that sometimes got left behind in the massive, deep puddles of water or mud. Shrieks pierced the air, indicating that someone had just discovered who was it, and now they were "it." Within seconds of beginning, all who played were drenched to the skin, water running off them in small rivers.

It was muddy.

It was wet.

And it was fun.

Teacher, Teeeecher, TEACHER!

"Teacher, Mr. Noisy* is speaking in Chuukese!"
"Teacher, I don't understand."
"Teacher, is that a period?" (No, that's another piece of paint missing from the chalkboard."
"Teacher, I don't understand."
"Teacher, Mr. Energy* is eating a lolipop!"
"Teacher, I don't understand!"
"Teacher, what's next?"
"Teacher, I don't understand."
"Teacher, when is lunch?"
Teeeacher, I don't understaaand!"

*These names are fictional, however do hold an element of truth.

And so my day goes in a classroom filled with 18 third graders, some of whom know little English, and one who seems to know only two words in English. The trend so far has been for me to teach and explain an activity from the front of the classroom, only to explain it at least once face to face with every child, and with some children, at least 5.

I have been shown how God gives strength day by day, as this first week of school has been difficult as I try to find new ways teach my diverse group of students in ways that they will all understand. I have been feeling my complete need to rely on God to show me how to teach, because I realize more and more my inexperience and inability every day in the classroom. After the first two days I was wondering if my students were going to end this year having learned anything, and if I would go home with the same major. It is only Thursday, and I cannot say yet that I feel confident about this year, but I know that God has sent me here, and I am learning to rely more and more on Him.

God has been showing me blessings tucked inside would-be discouragements. My student who knows little to no English is quiet and tries to obey, and his smile can take away a frown. My student who's paper is often blank when I walk by after students have been working on an assignment for ten minutes came and asked me to help him instead of sitting doing nothing. And when I forgot to bring my lunch, I was not without food for long.

I thank all of you who I know are praying for me, because I certainly need and appreciate it.

Welcome to Class

Written Monday:

I stand in the doorway of my new classroom, taking in the chalkboard on the front wall, the 20 desks in their neat rows, the brown painted floor with bare patches and chunks missing, my large steel desk which began its life at a military base, and the bare shelves waiting for their varied assortment of books that appear to have outgrown their stay in American classrooms and have now been donated here.  I have met one of my third graders who took my hand when I offered to show her where her new classroom was, and who called out with a smile “goodbye teacher!” when she left.  I have met two parents of my students who welcomed me, and pledged their support to uphold at home what I give their students at school.  It feels surreal.  I am no longer in a class; this is MY class.  I am no longer a student; I am the teacher.

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In other news, I would like to report that the shoe chewing rat has been released from his duties in this life, and will be doing no more damage.  I caught him on a sticky mat, and found that when I actually saw him, my feelings toward him changed.  He was still a nuisance, but as I looked at his scared, furry little form stuck to the cardboard, I felt sorry for him.  It wasn't his fault he chewed on everything - if he didn't his teeth would grow into his head.  Nevertheless, I was glad to have a quiet night without worrying that next he would venture into my suitcase.

I'm now staying in one of the highschool classrooms with 7 other female teachers from the Philippines.  It has air conditioning (when the power is on, which is much of the time), and has been working out, although it is a bit of a challenge to cook right now since we just have an electric two burner appliance.  The building with the girl's apartment has no lower level right as it is being completely reconstructed because everything was caving in.  When it's finished they'll start working on the upstairs.  So we'll be staying here until sometime in October most likely.  The other teachers are all in their 20s, and are a very friendly group.  I was happy to find that while I'm the only American female, I'm not the only girl here!  I have been getting to know all of them more, and forming friendships with them.

School began on Friday with a half day, and begins full swing tomorrow.  Keep me in your prayers, because I really need God's wisdom as I realize more and more that I'm not prepared in my own strength to do this!

Chuuk

I've made it safely to Chuuk, where the trees spread their green in broad expanses, the roads have holes you could almost swim in, and the people smile and wave as you pass.  I am here with two other student missionaries, guys who I met 3 days ago during training in Hawaii.  I believe that we will be a good group.  The rest of the teaching staff is from the Philippines.  We received what was probably the warmest welcome I have ever received in my life which included pictures, flowers, and singing.  I am currently staying in a small apartment by myself on the campus as renovations to the girls apartment are being done.  I think I will be moving there later.  I was surprised to find it has an air conditioner in the bed room, and power more often than expected.  They thought they had rat proofed the room, but.....I now have holes in a pair of my shoes. :P

More to come, hopefully about the extinction of a shoe eating rat.

I'll attach the address for the school for anyone interested.

c/o Chuuk SDA School
P.O. Box 208, Weno, Chuuk, FSM 96942